A Strange Coincidence, or, What's a Dikfore?

I've seen the Dikfore t-shirts, but I fully admit I didn't get the joke. I remember noticing them around the time people started wearing Darfur t-shirts. I assumed there was a connection, as they were both plain and simple, with the single word written in reasonable height across the chest. I thought perhaps the Dikfore people were pro-genocide, or were just trying to get a rise out of the Darfur people.

I googled Dikfore just the other night and got the joke.

The very next day, I was flipping through the channels (of my amazing new cable television service!) and landed on a shot of Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd in military/hunting attire, standing in the woods having this conversation (as remembered):

Dan: Do you hear the Dikfores?
Chevy: What's a Dikfore?
Dan: It's what you pee with.

What are the chances that the day following finally being let in on the joke, I would discover the apparent origins of it?!?! I can't figure out the movie, but per IMDb.com Dan and Chevy have been in surprisingly few movies together. One of which was Caddyshack II, which I choose to believe was the movie that, decades later, spawned 1000 t-shirts (it spawned little else, so it may as well get credit for this).

If you know whether or not this is correct, please let me know.

I love life's little coincidences!

HORROR-SCOPE

My horoscope for the day reads:

You find yourself on the fence about a few of today's decisions - probably saying "maybe"a lot. Jack Johnson was right when he famously sang, "It seems to me that maybe pretty much always means no."

Are you fucking kidding me? Jack Johnson? He "famously" sang anything? Whose "famous" lyrics are going to provide context for my life tomorrow? Lifeboat? Michelle Branch?

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever encountered in a horoscope. I'm tempted never to read one again (not strongly tempted, I generally get off on my horoscope - Leo horoscopes are usually pretty cool. It's a good sign!).

I Need Love, Part II

If anyone's reading this shit, let me know. I need comments, validation, acceptance, etc.

State Fair Motherfucker

Last time I was at the Minnesota State Fair, or, The Great Minnesota Get-Together if you will, was in 2004 when I was unemployed, in desperate need of quick cash and agreed to man the sno-cone stand in the Grandstand. This was, quite possibly, the worst 10 days of my life for reasons I don't feel like reliving at the moment, let's just say my feet have NEVER hurt so much and I worked as a cocktail waitress in high heels for some years.



This year, I'm doing it up right. Crop Art! Giant Sow! Shit on sticks! Talent show finals! Fireworks! Sadly, no Har Mar Superstar this year.

Burnout

Cable is awesome, but I'm getting a little burned out. Today I watched the third season (to date) of Entourage and E!'s 100 Hottest Celebrity Slimdowns. This was not an inspirational list. #2 was the clearly ana Nicole Richie and #1 was the queen of yo-yo dieting, Oprah Winfrey. Not that all TV needs to be inspirational, but this was especially fucked up. Weight's a sensitive issue. These people do not approach weight loss in a healthy manner. I don't mean to get all preachy here, but this hottest list show did not need to be made.

E's True Hollywood Story: Punky Brewster, on the other hand, is a testament to entertainment necessity.

I'm preparing to leave my TV for a period of time and leaving my entertainment needs in the hands of DVR for the first time. Entourage and The 4400. DVR! Don't fail me!

It's Gettin Hot In Here

My cats are incestuous lesbians again. They were laying off each other for awhile. I think it was the heat - they didn't have the energy. Now that it's cooled they're all over each other.











All this sexual energy pervading my home is very uncomfortable. Especially now that I have on demand access to soft core porn through my new cable situation. I live in a den on iniquity.

It's Always Sunny

Remember in your teens, when you would get a crush on someone and it was so consuming that the mere mention of his/her name would flip your stomach around and make your skin hot and your mind spin? I had that reastion today when I realized the extent of new entertainment possibilities available to me since I made the most brizziliant decision ever to get cable.

It appears that I have an adolescent crush on cable.

It's so cold in this . . . house

Motherfuckin' cable bitch! I'm all hooked up and I don't know what to do with myself. First thing I found is a Bloc Party concert on Showtime NE (no idea what that means).

And now I have to go to work. This sucks. I can't wait for the weekend.

More iPod Fun

The soundtrack of my life, a la iTunes. I chose to use iTunes shuffle for this, as it's a more robust representation of my musical inclinations (for better or for worse. Can you say, "Xanadu"?), containing nearly every song I've ever known/loved. I don't know if my iTunes knows me as well as my iPod, though.

Opening credits:
Eleanor Rigby, Aretha Franklin

Waking up:
Josephine, The Wallsflowers

Average day:
In the Walls, Stellastar*

First date:
Pele Merengue, Luscious Jackson

Falling in love:
Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Beatles

Love scene:
Puke and Cry, Dinosaur, Jr.

Fight scene:
Flower, Liz Phair

Breaking up:
Rocky Raccoon, The Beatles

Getting back together:
Level, The Raconteurs

Secret love:
Brilliant Mistake, Elvis Costello and the Attractions

Life's okay:
Intermission-lude, TLC

Mental breakdown:
Hypnotize, The White Stripes

Driving:
Little House of Savages, The Walkmen

Learning a lesson:
Fuck and Run, Liz Phair

Deep thought:
Lonely in Love, Lyle Lovett

Flashback:
Coming Out, The Killers

Partying:
Bathroom Girl, Air

Happy dance:
Someday Soon, Wilco

Regretting:
Even the Losers, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Long night alone:
Out of Touch, Lucinda Williams

Closing credits:
Vision of Division, The Strokes

I would definitely see this movie. (Thanks Tim!)

Nobody Knows Me, Like My iPod

Yes, I've done this already. But I have a ton of new music on my ipod (I have a lowly nano, which holds less than 1k songs, so I have to constantly update and switch things up), so I wanted to try again. There are consistencies between this and the last attempt, which I will address below.

How does the world see me?
trampoline, The Grates
Last time it was sukkafish by The Grates. The Grates do not think highly of me. Too bad, because I had a total girl crush on the singer when I saw them open for the Go! Team at Webster Hall.

Will I have a happy life?
I've Got The Blues, Lyle Lovett
Apparently, I will not have a happy life. The Lyle Lovett blues aren't so bad, though. More of a consistent melancholia than an I need to slit my wrists now and again later mind-numbing depression. I can dig it.

What do my friends really think of me?
She's Hearing Voices, Bloc Party
My friends think I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. This is not entirely surprising.

How can I be happy?
Whatever's Left, Snow Patrol
I cannot interpret this. Left of what? Of me? Like the Nick Lachey song? I can be happy if I hook up with Nick Lachey? Is that my only option? Because we don't really run in the same circles so it's pretty limiting. I had a dream about Nick Lachey right after he and Jessica Simpson divorced and he had to stay with me because clearly he couldn't stay with Jessica and I had a big crush on him and we flirted a lot, but it wasn't good timing, so we never did anything about it. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be now if we had.

Will I ever have children?
Cry Me A River, Justin Timberlake
Am I to cry Justin a river because he has no sympathy for my childless plight? Or will all of my children be crying rivers? Again, not interpreting this one very well.

What is some good advice for me?
Shallow, Ryan Adams
More or less? Need more info Ryan.

How will I be remembered?
Someday, The Strokes
Last time I did this I got 15 Minutes by The Strokes. What does it mean that I've gotten time-related songs by the Strokes twice now. Really. What does it mean? Tell me!

What is my signature dancing song?
Punks in the Beerlight, The Silver Jews
This makes me uber-happy because I fucking love this song!

What do I think my current theme song is?
Used to Love Him, Fiona Apple
Sure, I used to love him. Not sure what relevancence is now.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Ramblin' Man, The Allman Brothers Band
This makes sense. I unexpectedly move a lot.

What song will play at my funeral?
Blue Orchid, The White Stripes
I like that a song about Satan will play at my funeral. "You got a reaction. You got a reaction, didn't you?" If I can't get a reaction at my funeral, where can I get one?

What is my day going to be like?
Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt, We Are Scientists
I like this song. A lot. Too bad my day's almost over. I'm using this song for tomorrow.

Cable T.V.

I imagine that title sung to the tune of the Nextel commercial when the customers tell the store worker guy that they should make a bigger deal about the super awesome nighttime minutes starting at 7 dealio, and some other dude steps up and sings, "7 P M!" all operatic and shit, because that's how I feel about my super awesome back to school idea of getting myself hooked up with the magic of cable television.

Cable TV, baby!

I hasn't happened yet. Dude comes tomorrow morning between 8 and 10 AM. I can see suddenly not feeling so well (cough cough) and needing to take it easy (sniff sniff) and not wanting to go into the office and get everybody else sick (because I'm such a considerate person). If that happens, I don't know if that will make me officially lamer than lame or the coolest effin chica on el planeto earto. I'm going with the latter.

My coworkers took me out to Big Bowl, which is a decent chinese/thai-like restaurant at the mall, best known for its stir fry bar. You order your meat, sauce, and base from the server and pick your veggie concoction out for yourself at the bar. People dig this concept and find it completely yummy, but I was too lazy and couldn't be bothered so ordered pad thai off the menu. Eight hours later, I'm still regretting this decision. Ugh. Since when does pad thai have a heavy brown sauce? This was pretty universal in NYC, but the TC consistently offers up some pretty authentic thai. I guess chinese/thai-like restaurants at the mall do not subscribe to the same authentication process as the little dive restaurants in St. P. Alas.

100!

This is my 100th post! Woo hoo! I feel like I should do something exciting here. I just read that the masturbation episode of Seinfeld, where Kramer bursts in to Jerry's and yells, "I'm out of the contest!" was the 100th time that Kramer burst into Jerry's apartment. This is an exciting 100th!

I'm not exciting. I'm boring.

Much Like LL Cool J

I need love

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.6
Mind:	6.2
Body:	7.3
Spirit:	7
Friends/Family:	5.1
Love:	4.3
Finance:	6.5
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