See this belt? Snake belt.

I love me some white boy rappers. Specially when they be rapping bout some Snakes on a Plane.

When BK posted this on her blog, I thought to myself, "self, this shizz cannot be for real." Oh, but it is. And how.

There are motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane. God, I can't wait for summer.

what the hell?

The cats are trying to kill me, or run me out of town, or make me questions my sanity and purpose, or something. They are pure evil (not from concentrate!).

Tonight's evil presented itself in the form of electrocution!

I'm on the phone with my mom, watching the Gilmore Girls (the height of innocence I dare say), when all of a sudden fireworks start going off to my left and down.

"Whatever could this be?" I ever so innocently inquired?

Well, the baby retrieved a ball of picture wire from a box in the pantry, unraveled it, dragged it to a surge protector, wrapped the wire around the prongs of my battery charger, and proceeded to nearly electrocute herself and myself.

How, you ask, could a twee little kitty have accomplished such a feat? I have no reasonable explanation to that very reasonable question. Evil comes to mind.

I will sleep with one eye open tonight.

Shitstorm

Somehow, while I was out of town, the kitties were unable to access their litterbox and a shitstorm ensued.

As a result of this, I would like to kill myself, but apparently, were I to do that, god would be displeased with me.

I am currently living in an outhouse. I got home last night at 11:00 and was up until around 4:00 am tracking down and cleaning up the poo. Today I disinfected the apartment and disembowled the kitties as punishment.

I did not disembowel the kitties. They would be completely right in punishing me, as it's ultimately my responsibility to make the litterbox fully accessible to them. I guess the poo bombs I encountered in nearly every nook and cranny of my apartment are punishment enough. God, I hope so.

I want this cat.

When google image searching "cat poop," one comes across unexpectedly magical things, like this and this. Anyone who eats this deserves to be killed. Painfully.

Please, think of the kittens.

This is old, but I will never get over how genuinely funny it is.



I first came across this like 5 years ago and thanks to the power of google image search it is now readily and easily retrievable just by entering "god kills kittens" into my google search bar. I love technology.

Can't Buy Me Love

To anyone who says money can't buy happiness, I offer you this:


First off, let me tell you, Sex and the City is a lie. You cannot maneuver around Manhattan in 5" Manolo Blahniks and a) survive the day, or b) have a decent pair of shoes at the end of said day if you do successfully maneuver.

Unless your primary mode or transport is a cab, which is just not reasonable for the average person, you wear comfortable shoes. You live and die by your comfortable shoes. You spend ludicrous amounts on unattractive shoes that offer even the slightest edge in the comfort department.

These shoes are comfortable. They make my feet happy. And happy feet = happy LA. Yay comfy shoes!

Boo on the Left

I'm unhappy with Olive. Not the cat, but the name. It's not sticking.

So, I'm changing her name to Boo. She's my boo. And there are many layers to this name, because she's freakishly skittish, and petting her is basically the equivilent of saying Boo. So, there you have it.



Boo on the left. Respect.

Big Buckin' Chicken

The new BK commercial is hilarious. I have the Big Buckin' Chicken song in my head at all times and it doesn't bother me.

I'm trying to find a link to the commercial, or even just a screenshot, but having no luck.

When did BK start making cool, funny commercials. I guess it all started with the Subservient Chicken, which I still find hilarious.

Now they've got the Whopperettes, the Whopper house with Jr getting into trouble and telling Whopper, Sr. to get his head out of his buns.

Good job BK. I still prefer McDonald's overall, but you're slowly winning me over. Start making delicious french fries and I'll be all yours.

Callin' All My Homies

I can't believe I didn't get a single response to my request for naming of a friend's cute as hell puppy dog.


Bring it, bitches.

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Baby's got a name. She will henceforth be known as Olive, aka Monster, aka Baby Kitten.


These kids are so friggin cute, but totally destructive. There's nothing I can put on a surface that won't end up on the floor by morning. Things are broken. Things are everywhere. Things are a mess.

This shizz is b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

Pink in the Sink

The pink in the sink commercial freaks me out. I don't know exactly what it sounds like it could mean, but it sounds dirty, and not fun dirty, but like fecal fetish dirty. Everytime it comes on, I cringe and shudder and I long for the day it's out of rotation.

Kittenwar!

This is a fun site. Claude and the baby are in there somewhere. If you happen upon them, VOTE RIGHT!

Sick

I am sick. Hence, the recent lack of posts. Don't give up on me, though, I'll be back on the horse again.

And by horse, I mean heroin.

Am I Cute, or What?

My friend Andrew has the cutest, sweetest puppy and he doesn't have a name! Andrew is having the same problem I am in that he cannot find the perfect name for his new friend.


So, here is your second pet naming assignment of the month. Leave your suggestions in the comments and don't hold back.

Kitty Porn

I'm faced with the uncomfortable fact that my kitties are incestuous lesbian lovers. I love and accept them, but their public fornication is getting a little out of hand. Here they are enjoying post-coital exhaustion in the middle of the living room.




I wish they'd get a room.

Four out of Five Ain't Bad

George Clooney was a surprise, but a good one. I like him.

I hate to say it, but I'm voting Jennifer Lopez best dressed - that green was amazing.

I used my minimal photoshopping skills to block out that cadaverous husband guy of hers. He's icky and I don't want him on my blog. Truth be told, I don't really want her on my blog either, but that dress is just so lovely.

Yay for the always lovely and poised Reese. And Yay for Crash! And Yay for Busy Philipps, former Dawson's Creek castmate and BFF of Michelle and Godmother to Matilda who apparently got to go to the Oscars as Michelle's date (Heath was nominated, too, so he had his own ticket).

Oscar Projections

I'm always wrong about these things because I pick who I want to win instead of who I think will actually win. As long as I haven't got money riding on it, I guess I'm in ok shape.

Shout out to TM in MPLS who ALWAYS wins this game (and knows too much about me of late).

Here goes:

Best Picture - Crash
Best Director - Ang Lee
Best Actor - Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Best Actress - Reese Witherspoon (yay!)
Best Supporting Actor - Paul Giamatti
Best Suppporting Actress - Rachel Weisz

I didn't just pick who I wanted to win because if I had done that I would have picked Michelle Williams for best supporting actress because I love the idea of Jen turning into the respectable actress when it looked like Joey Potter had it in the bag but is now a big joke. Team Linley!

Honestly, these are the only categories I care about. The others are a crapshoot and not very interesting. I hope Wallace and Grommit wins best animated, but I don't actually know or care who it's up against. And yes, it would be easy to find out, but like I said, I don't care.

I love the Oscars. This is the one day of the year when I kick myself for not having cable. I just learned that E! will be simulcasting their pre-show online starting at 5:30 pm. My inet connection isn't the best but beggars can't be choosers.

Here's to Reese not wearing a Kiki reject again. She's too good for that!

Not a Cat Blog

I've never had cats who liked each other. These guys LOVE each other and it's so friggin cute I can't hardly stand it.


Baby still ain't got no name, so keep em coming. Monster's growing on me, but I'm not married to it and there's $5 in it for he or she who names the kitty, so keep em coming!

Name Me

This is ridiculous. This poor little kitty is still sans name and I am out of ideas. Please leave your suggestions in the comments. The person who submits that name I select will be rewarded with the satisfaction of a job well done. And $5.

Elly Belly

I miss my kitty. These new cats are great, and I'm sure I'll grow to love them as much as I loved Eliot, but I miss her. She was a good kitty.

SugarBush

This is old news, but Sugar Bush Squirrel is probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen. This squirrel has been posed in just about every conceivable manner, has vast military apparel, deals a mean hand of blackjack, and worships W (the pres, not the hotel).


I'm pretty sure this squirrel has had its day in the sun, but I can't stop revisiting again and again and again. If anyone could convince me of George W. Bush's worth, it would definitely be Sugar Bush!

Fuckin Cats

I give up. This is a cat blog.

These guys are driving me crazy. God knows what they do all day, but the second I walk in the door they sack out. As soon as I go to bed, they revive and proceed to race through the place, wreaking havoc and destroying everything in their paths.

I'm tired.